TENNIS PLAYER - OPTIMAL PUSH VS. TOXIC PUSH
OPTIMAL PUSH VS. TOXIC PUSH
Throughout my career in developing junior players as the Executive Director of the National Tennis Academy and now Director of the Tournament Players Academy on more than one occasion a parent has stated a widely held belief. "I'm not sure you can get a great tennis player without at least one crazy pushy parent." Is that really the only option?
The Institute for the Study of Youth Sports at Michigan State University has studied the topic, and many parents and coaches admitted to the existence of something referred to as "Optimal Push." However the majority agreed that it's a tricky concept. It only works when done right, and there's a fine line between optimal pushing by a parent and pressuring/over-pushing.
The problem is that in most cases when parents attempt to push their children, the short-term results suggest success (jumping from academy to academy), while the long term outcomes (which can't be seen at the moment) are disastrous. Many cases demonstrate a damaged parent-child relationship, psychological issues for the player, and motivation and performance issues. Many tennis parents discover too late that their strategy had short-term gains and long-term heartache. The future was sacrificed for the present. The Andre' Agassi story is a perfect example. After relentless pushing by his father, Agassi reached the tennis pinnacle, but at a price (physically, emotionally and psychologically) most of us would not want our children to pay. He later admitted to hating his sport throughout much of his career.
For this reason we must differentiate between two variations of “push” - Toxic Push and Optimal Push. The characteristics of each are demonstrated in specific parent behaviors that create an overall family environment. Here are the four cornerstones of each with a brief description.
TOXIC TENNIS PUSH
• Controlling - Child is constantly directed by parents about what to practice and when to practice, even HOW to practice, when and where to compete, what to wear and when to sleep, what to eat and what not to eat. (this is the role of the coach)
• Nagging - Child experiences regular complaints, criticism, and correcting about behaviors and habits; frequent messages about not working hard enough or long enough.
• Conflicting - Increasing amount of conflict arises between parent and child over sport-related issues, which then spreads to other life issues related to school and social life.
• Condemnation of performances - Child regularly receives verbal and non-verbal signals that his or her play is not good enough, with the suggestion that had the parent’s advice been followed his/her results would be better.
OPTIMAL TENNIS PUSH
• Choices - Child is offered appropriate alternatives from which to choose regarding sport, school, social, and family/home issues. Only the family’s core values are non-negotiable.
• Challenges - Child is often confronted with parent-guided challenges &/or goals to overcome or reach causing skills to be developed and self-imposed limits stretched.
• Collaboration - A team-like atmosphere is created between parents and child that requires working together in decision making and planning. Family meetings are used.
• Support for child's vision - Conversations and body language convey a belief in the ultimate success journey that is unfolding, regardless of any particular day's results.
These two versions of “push” have extremely different outcomes. Most importantly, in a battle for control over the overall tennis experience, parents must choose not to win. The tennis experience belongs to the child. The ultimate question is not "to push or not push" but something quite different. Since our relationship with our children is the single most important thing, the question is: "How do I consistently send the message that there is nothing my children can say or do that would cause me to reject them?" Kids need that kind of security to perform well in today’s world.
Ripley Amell
Tournament Players Academy
